Trapped in Life
by Zippy was here
Summary: Clary Fray was kidnapped for two years and kept in a basement where she had been trapped and tortured. After being found by the police she struggles to lead a regular life & cope with her emotions towards a certain golden boy and a mysterious boy who never seems to make sense. Will things ever become normal? Will Jace and the others ever find out what really happened to her?
1. Chapter 1

The door slammed shut, loudly. I flinched; sitting with my hands and feet cuffed in the basement and counted the footsteps. He wasn't alone, my heart sank.

It was always worse if he wasn't alone.

I heard a voice I didn't recognise and it took me a second to realise the footsteps weren't as heavy as I was used to. I stared in surprise at the big, ruthless metal door I had tried to escape from countless times. I'd lost track of how many days I'd been here, it had to be over a year and never had I heard his footsteps sound like that. Hope flared up in me for the first time in a year.

The footsteps stopped at the door and the voices became more distinguishable. I leaned forward to try and hear more clearly but, the chain that was attached to both me and the wall, stopped me. I heard as someone began to open the gigantic latch on the door that was only accessible from the outside, of course.

The heavy door opened an inch and, as usual, my eyes got blinded by the light and I had to squint unable to see.

"Oh god…Sue, there's a girl in here," I heard a man's voice say. My heart beat accelerated and I felt my eyes widened. _They found me! They found me! _I felt myself begin to grin, madly. My eyes adjusted to the light and I recognised two police officers looking at me in horror. I desperately tried to claw my way towards them, I could only think about getting out of this basement. The only place I had been, in over a year.

The woman, Sue gasped and ran towards me, her eyes were clouded by tears, "Get her free, Jim. Get her free!" She repeated hysterically as she put her hands on my cheeks, "It's alright, you're alright now," She told me as tears ran down her face. I had run out of tears, months ago.

Jim pulled the chain that attached me to the wall several tries and managed to get it free, taking a chunk of the wall with it, "Just get her out of here," He said helping me stand up but, my legs couldn't support me. I growled, annoyed with myself. The only thing, I had to do was stand up but, I was too pathetic to even do that.

Sue lifted me into her arms which wasn't hard considering that I hadn't been fed at all this month, "You're ok now, you're safe with me," She repeated the line over and over, carrying me up the basement stairs. I ignored what she was saying and craned my head eagerly to see anything but, that blood and urine splattered room.

"Just relax," Sue said but, I felt as though I should be telling _her _that. I'd never been happier in my life, "Can you tell me your name?" She finally managed to ask.

"Clar-" My throat closed up, it wasn't used to speech, I had barely made a sound in the last few months. We were finally up the stairs and I looked around in confusion. The house looked perfectly normal. There were no indications of the man who I knew and saw every day.

"Clar?" Sue frowned as she carried me through the house. I shook my head, trying to show her that, that wasn't my name, "Look, let's just get you to complete safety and then we can talk,"

She walked outside and inside I rejoiced. Thankfully, it was dark outside so my eyes weren't completely blinded. I grinned wildly, looking around. Behind us, Jim was exciting the house and talking to someone on his phone. I could breathe clean air; I could see into the distance, I could almost taste the normalness in the air. I missed it _soo _much, a normal night.

Somehow I managed to produce a few tears and the woman almost began sobbing, "It's alright, don't cry. You're alright now," Sue said frantically, I wanted to tell her I was crying out of joy but, I couldn't speak. She put me into a cop car and my heart rejoiced, wildly jumping around in my stomach.

She got in next to me as Jim got into the driver's seat. Sue clutched my hand tightly. If I were normal, it would have hurt but, it was nothing compared to…

I looked around one final time and spotted something in the corner of my vision. A man, the man, _him. _My heart felt as though it has been stabbed ten times simultaneously. I felt myself start to hyperventilate. As the car pulled away, I saw him gesture slicing his neck open and I knew what it meant: _'Tell anyone about me and I'll find you'_.

**Jace's POV**

I rubbed my eyes, and glanced over at the redhead next to me in the bed. I didn't even know her name. I only chose her because of her hair colour, red, as usual. Of course, she was nothing like _her. _But, then again, no one was.

_Stop it Jace! She's gone, forget about her! _This was the daily battle I had with my brain, it was never resolved. I stood up and stretched, hoping that the girl would be gone by tomorrow. I heard a police siren as a car drove past on the street but, ignored it.

School was starting next week, it was my last year but, I couldn't bring myself to think about it. _She _and I had made plans back before she went missing to do all these things during our last year and now the thought of it is depressing.

Stumbling through the dark, I made my way to the living room and switched the TV on. I wasn't going to sleep anyway. I flicked through the channels and found nothing so put the news on, not really watching.

I watched it for what seemed like hours until I began to feel myself fall asleep. Just on the verge of unconsciousness, I saw a flash of red on the news and then fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Clary's POV**

"And there's nothing you can remember about your attacker?" The detective asked in disbelief. I didn't blame her; there was no possible way that I could forget that man. I shrugged, unable to lie to her face _again. _The detective took a deep breath and stood up, "Alright, if you remember anything else, I'm just a phone call away,"

I nodded and looked down as she left, nervously playing with my hands. Occasionally, I would glance over my shoulder, convinced someone was watching me.

I had been missing for two years; it was all over the news. Almost everyone knew my name and story. The press hadn't found out about me yet but, it was bound to happen soon.

Finally, I heard a loud gasp from the doorway. I looked up to see my mother in the doorway. She had changed, _a lot. _She looked about ten years older, her head full of greys and her eyes suck in with worry. She hadn't slept in a while, it was easy to tell. Her eyes were rapidly filling with tears as she ran over to me.

I stood up as she gathered me in her arms. I could feel her tears soaking my shoulder, her breathing uneven and jumpy, "I didn't believe them when they told me you were here," She gulped, "I thought they were playing some sick joke on me," I closed my eyes, relishing in her warmth, "I-I love you _so-_"

I cut her off, "I know," I told her; she stroked my hair and grasped at me, not believing I was real. After a couple of moments, I felt another pair of arms around me. I opened my eyes to see Luke and Jonathon, standing around me. Unable to hold back the sob at the sight of them, I finally felt tears stream down my face.

I didn't think I had any tears left.

We stood together for at least an hour, saying nothing and crying our eyes dry.

"This is the first time in a long time that I feel like I'm part of a family," Jonathon says finally, "Things were _so _wrong without you, Clare," He voice broke half way through his sentence, "I missed you _so much."_

"I know," I repeated, "I missed you all more than you can believe," I felt it hard to breath and I could feel my throat closing up as I spoke with so much passion.

"Let's get out of this wretched place and go home," Mum said, taking my hands firmly. They didn't know the meaning of a 'wretched place'. This was the best place I had been in for years.

Luke kept a hand on me at all times, steadying me. It was always like that with him, silent but, always there. A tear ran down my cheeks as I remembered.

Jonathon opened the door for me as though I was physically incapable. They tried to get us to fill out some forms but, one look from mum and they knew it wouldn't happen tonight. I would have killed to see any look from my mum just a couple hours ago.

Finally we got outside and we were drowned out by the press. Apparently, our story had leaked.

What felt like hundreds of people called my name. Pictures were taken and taping devices shoved in front of us. I froze my eyes wide; I could feel myself feel more and more trapped.

_Trapped._

I bit my tongue to stop myself from letting out the scream and jumped when I felt Luke's hand on my shoulder. He was telling me we had to move but, I couldn't hear him. I forced my sluggish brain to process actions and managed to stagger forward. Jonathon steered us through them like a pro and got us safely into a car.

I realised that my family must have been putting up with this for a while now and felt my heart twist in sorrow. I had always imagined that their lives were so much easier than this, I was wrong.

There were more reporters at the house and I forced myself not to hyperventilate, this was nothing compared to _him._

The door slammed shut behind us, loudly, when we entered but, my mind was elsewhere. I walked as though I were in a dream, tracing the wall lightly as I made my way through the house. Everything looked the same… and different. The couch was sunk in; I could tell that someone had spent several nights sitting on it. On the coffee table there was a paper that had my photo on the front page. I averted my eyes from it and ran my fingers down different counter tops and tables.

When I was done, I turned to see my family standing nervously in the centre of the room.

"I'm tired, can I go to sleep?" I asked them. It was partly true but, I knew that if I stayed with them I'd have to talk about _him _and what had happened. There was no way I was prepared for that.

"Of course, darling," Mum came forward and touched my cheek, lovingly, "We…we couldn't touch your room. It always been yours," I nodded and kissed and hugged them each good night.

"I love you all," I told them before making my way up the creaking stairs and into my room. I could practically hear them all holding their breaths as I left and that made me nervous. It was sinking in that nothing was going to go back to normal. They had accepted that I was dead.

How do you treat a dead person?

Sleep, as expected, was impossible. I tossed in my bed for an hour before I gave up. I chucked my covers off and slipped my feet off the bed and onto the floor. I considered exploring the things in my room but, I knew it would just make me feel depressed.

Instead, I opened my door. Maybe I could take a shower? I was shocked to see my brother standing outside my door.

"Jonathon!" I whispered, surprised, "You scared me!"

"I'm sorry," He blurted, "I woke up thinking I had dreamed that you had come back. It's happened before and I _had_ to come and check." My heart thumped painfully for him. I had dreamt that I had got free before too, the crashing realisation that I hadn't is worse than anything _he _did to me…well almost.

My arms wound around him and I was glad to feel him so solid, it was better than my wildest fantasies. We were silent for a minute, appreciating each other mutually until finally Jonathon spoke.

"At some point, you're going to have to start answering our questions," Jonathon told me and I tensed in his arms, "The police report won't be enough, you know that right?"

"Questions?" I asked innocently, my voice was still raw and raspy and the doctors had said that might be permanent if I wasn't careful.

"Why are you so thin? Where have you got all these scars? Why can't you speak properly? What happened to you in that basement? Why-?" I flinched at each question and backed away from him.

"I'm not ready," I murmured.

"Did you know that mum and dad haven't slept in the same bed since you've gone missing?" I winced, of course I didn't. "Things haven't been…right since you've been gone. We've all suffered-tormented-because we don't know what's happened to you. That's not gonna change because you're safe now."

He took one more look at me and sprinted down the corridor. He stole anything I had left with him until I felt like the very chunks of my body had been ripped out.


	3. Chapter 3

My house was a cage; there was no place in it where I could be myself. My parents acted as though every aspect of me was fragile as a glass plate. Maybe it was? The doctors had deduced that I was going to have lifelong problems with my health because of the damage _he _caused me. I could never drink alcohol or smoke; I had to keep healthy and begin to eat more slowly. There were a lot of regulations I had to follow to even get out of the house. I might not even be able to have children. Jonathon didn't ever bring up what he had said to me that night and even my room was a reminder of a perfectly ordinary life I could never have.

The only time I had felt comfortable was when Jonathon decided to help me catch up on all the good films I had missed. I hadn't got any of the references in the films and I didn't have the attention span to try and follow the plot but, spending time with Jonathon like this was like taking a breath of clean air after living lifetime in the gutters.

But, Jonathon couldn't dedicate all his time to me. He started school within a week and while he was there it felt as though something essential had been taken from me.

Finally, I put my foot down at yet another awkward dinner between the four of us.

"I want to start school." I declared in my raspy voice. Mum's face reddened at the thought.

"Are you sure about that, darling? I don't think that-"

"I'm certain, I'm tired of being stuck in this house," I cut her off.

"She could come to school with me," Jonathon suggested.

"I don't know-" Mum complained.

"Jocelyn, I think it might be a good idea. She's getting back into the world, isn't that what we want?" Luke added.

"But, so soon?" She complained.

"I'm ready, mum," I assured her.

"Well…alright," She agreed and I grinned, "We'll go tomorrow and see if we can find you a place,"

"Clary! Wake up, you're going to school!" Jonathon's voice sounded from behind my door. I sat up and rubbed my eyes sleepily. That had to be the first time I had slept all night through, I usually woke up crying/screaming/panting. I smiled happily to myself.

Jonathon cracked open the door a little and smiled.

"Hey," He opened the door a little more and let himself in, "I realised that you don't really have many clothes," He gestured to mum's pyjamas which I currently wore. They hung off my shoulders limply and showed more of my non-existent chest then it was meant to, "So I got you something to wear today that should fit you. We can go shopping tomorrow or something," He dropped a bag on the end of my bed and waved a little before leaving.

I emptied the bad on my bed and cringed a little, Jonathon wasn't exactly the best man at buying clothing. I managed to find some black skinny jeans and a decent black shirt to wear but, it still fit quite loosely. I glanced at the tag on the back, it was extra small. _Great._

I had been avoiding the mirror in my room for a while now but, I decided that now was the time to face it. I bit back the groan.

Forcing a brush through my hair, I managed to semi-control my hair but, that wasn't what really bothered me. There was no way to conceal all the scars lining every inch of my body and my sleeveless shirt really didn't help with that.

There was a knock at the door and I looked up to see my mother peeking through the door. I glanced at her, vulnerably.

"Help?" I asked in a small voice as I watched her take in my body. Her eyes grew wide but, she said nothing. She pursed her lips and stepped into the room, taking my hand. She led me to her room and sat me on a stool.

She said nothing as she began to slowly cover some of the more noticeable scars with makeup.

"You are going to be brave today, Clary," She told me as she applied some eyeliner on me, "You show the press, classmates, teachers what you are made of," She finished and hugged me, "You are already so brave, _too _brave," I smiled at her.

"I love you mum," I said and she smiled.

"I love you too, now, come on. Let's go before we are too late," We both stood up and started to leave. Just before I went through the door, I looked back at the mirror.

My mum was right. I looked badass.


	4. Chapter 4

Once we had gotten through the press at our door, things seemed to run smoothly.

We made it to the principal's office without being spotted by anyone, but the secretary. She barely glanced from her computer screen when she heard my name. I liked her.

The principal was a different matter. He looked uncomfortable the entire time I was in his office. He constantly played with the collar of his shirt and his face was as red as a tomato. And, of course, there was the staring. His eyes _never once _left my face.

"I'm… sure…we can find…_Clary_...a place here," I resisted rolling my eyes at the way he said my name. My mum beamed as though unaffected but, I could tell it bothered her as much as it bothered me.

"Brilliant, so she can start today then," I couldn't help but, admire the way my mum made all the decisions, "And we'll arrange the payments over email, thank you for your understanding," She stood up, taking me with her and we left leaving behind a very shocked principal.

My mum explained the situation to the secretary who managed to formulate a timetable for me but, I was guaranteed to have shitty classes. I glanced at my schedule glad to see I at least had art. I enjoyed art the most before…

Before I knew it my mum was waving me goodbye and Jonathon had latched onto my arm and was guiding me to homeroom.

As soon as we walked out of the office, I knew I was in trouble. Every student in sight stopped to stare at us- well- me.

"Chin up," Jonathon said under his breath to me as he walked me down the corridor. I did as he said but, I couldn't meet anyone's stares.

Everyone seemed transfixed on me, I was almost positive that a couple of years back not a single person would have recognised me here. Whispers followed us, not all coherent but, all the same.

"Did you hear…?"

"Can _you_ imagine if…?"

"What do you think happened…?"

"Why is she here…?"

I winced a little at each one.

We had finally reached my class room so I turned to thank Jonathon when he spotted something over my shoulder. I turned and that was the moment my life changed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Jace! You open this door right this second or I swear I'll… I'll pee on your hairbrush," Isabelle's voice sounded through the apartment. I groaned, the hangover setting in.

"No need to get dramatic," I rolled my eyes as I opened the door. Isabelle stormed in, followed by Alec, who leaned against my wall, arms crossed.

"Have you heard?" Isabelle demanded.

"That you're demented? Yes. What time of morning do you call this-" I started, rubbing my forehead with the back of my hand.

"No, you dimwit! About Clary!" At the sound of her name, all at once my hangover no longer seemed important. I was wide awake and ready.

"Isabelle," I said slowly, "If we are going to have another one of those talks about how I need to get over her, I swear to god, I am."

"I should hope not," Isabelle said, crossing her arms.

"And why's that?" I said bitterly.

Isabelle took a deep breath and shared a look with Alec, "She's…been found,"

"WHAT?!" I glanced at Alec and he nodded, confirming that it was true, "Why didn't you tell me earlier- when? What happened? Where was she? WHERE IS SHE?!" I demanded, towering over Isabelle. She didn't flinch.

"Yesterday, the media doesn't know much at the moment. She's at her home -AND before you start, we can't get to her, I already tried but, press is swarming the house and Jonathon isn't answering calls," Isabelle told me. I closed my eyes and painful memories I had been supressing sprung forward. Involuntary tears stung the back of my eyes but, I blinked them away.

She was alive.

Breathing. Thinking. Moving.

Alive.

My laptop was on within seconds; I opened a new tab and searched her name. The keys with the letters of her name had been worn down from the number of times I had searched online for her. Immediately, dozens of news articles popped up, informing me of her existence. My heart soared.

I clicked on what looked like the most trust-worthy website.

"Jace," Alec said from behind me, "Are…are you sure you want to do this? She's… gonna have changed. Hell, I've missed her too but, she's gonna have gone through a lot of shit," I ignored him and searched through the article. It mostly just showed things that I already knew but, at the bottom there were two things of interest.

The first was a blurred picture of the back of Clary's head as she was surrounded by the press. Without even realising, my hand was against the screen, stroking back the non-existent soft locks.

The second was a link to a few pictures; the caption said _'The basement where Clary Fray had been imprisoned for over two years alone' _

The entire room was made of cold hard metal, there were chains lining the floor, connected to the wall. There were bloody handprints everywhere. There was one close up photo of several claw marks that had been made in the metal. Lined against the walls were knifes, saws and daggers.

Alec shut the laptop lid before I could look any longer. I was on the verge of breaking myself. I hadn't even realised there were tears running down my face.

"How? Who?" The words were choked in my mouth, I sounded as though I was being strangled.

"We'll get them, Jace," Isabelle said from behind me.

"Anyone who's set a hand on a single hair on her head," I swore.

"I promise," Alec finished.


	6. Chapter 6

There he was; just as angelic as I remembered him. His dark golden hair tumbling over his eyes like a fallen angel, claiming his revenge; it wasn't hard to imagine him with a pair of wings. Even from the distance I stood at, I could see the square jaw I had fantasised of seeing for so long and the strange dark golden eyes that stood out like a diamond amidst dull rocks.

_Jace._

He was staring at me like he had just seen a ghost, engulfing my appearance like he would never see it again.

I tore my eyes away from him to look at the two at his sides.

Isabelle had to have grown even taller, if possible. Her legs seemed to go on for days; she looked like a model with perfectly applied make-up and her skinny build. Her features were sculpted by baby cherubs and her long black inky hair had not a single strand out of place. I glanced down at her outfit, all designer, of course.

While Isabelle had the refined look of a professional model, Alec had gone for the more rugged look. His hair tangled and tussled. He had grown slight stubble and his clothing was simple yet stylish. He had grown out almost as tall as Jace and, like him, had developed slightly visible muscles. Overall he looked good.

They all did. _Too good for me, _said a little voice in my head.

It took a couple of seconds for me to deduce all of this but, it seemed like an eternity.

In moments, Isabelle's arms were around me. I winced and tried to step away out of habit, thankfully, she didn't see. It took me a moment to realise she was speaking.

"Oh my god, Clary. I've-we've – all missed you _soo _much. Are you ok-" I blocked out the words and focused on her voice, recognising it and welcoming the sweet sound. I imagined that she was telling me something else- something normal. That everything that was happening was normal.

She pulled back and tears were running down her face, smudging her perfectly applied makeup. I wanted to rub it off- make her stop crying- but, resisted it.

And then Alec was hugging me, surprisingly, pretty roughly. Yet again I had to flinch and try to back away but, his eyes were also foggy with tears so he didn't notice.

"You scared me, little Red. Don't ever do that again." His voice rough with emotion, he was trying to laugh it off, but it was failing miserably, "It was…_bad _when you weren't here."

I became aware that I hadn't said anything and my facial expression hadn't changed at all from my neutral defensive look, something that I started doing when I realised crying or showing emotion made it _much _worse in the basement.

"Hey guys, back off. She's fragile." Jonathon stood in front of me after Alec had pulled away.

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't," I said in a low raspy tone, I heard the other gasp at my broken voice, but I ignored them, "Ever call me fragile."

Jonathon glanced over his shoulder at me with worried eyes but, I gave him a glare so he took a step back.

Suddenly, strong muscular arms were around me as if they were meant to be there. I noticed a second too late that it was Jace and had recoiled away from him.

I looked up in horror to see Jace's hurt face confronting mine. Up close I could see the small details I hadn't noticed from the distance. The dark eye bags, the worn down nails, the tangles in his hair.

I looked down, "I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry." My voice finally cracked, showing them some emotion. I hadn't meant to back away from him, it was just instinct. I felt the tears build up in my eyes. "I didn't mean to- You just took me by surprise." I tried to explain.

"Don't ever apologise Clary. You're existence has made me the happiest man alive, the fact that you're standing here overwhelms me with emotions I never thought I would ever feel. I don't care if you are broken or wounded, you. Are. Breathing. Never apologise to me." Jace said to me, forcing me to lift my head to meet his gaze.

Without realising, I had put my arms around him; my face burying itself in his shoulder, my fingers trembling and inhaling his scent. It was the same as before, soap and sunshine.

This was the first time _I_ had hugged someone since I had been found.

Purposefully slowly, as if not to scare me, he put his arms around me. He held me gently but, as close as he could without crushing me. He face was lost in my hair and I was aware of every single place he was touching me because electricity seemed to run down all my nerves where he was.

It felt like I had only touched him for a moment before we had to pull away.

"So… anyone feel like doing maths?" I asked after a second of nervousness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey I'll just quickly answer some Qs :D ATM I'm not sure who 'him' is in relation to the characters in the books, I just know which characters 'he's' not. This **_**was**_** inspired by recent events in the news, I thought it was truly a heart-breaking news story and I got inspired to try and write something similar. **

**Jace's POV**

The moment I spotted her long, dark crimson, curly hair, something deep inside of me fractured and twisted. I felt as though I had just woken up after years of never being conscious.

I could suddenly see everything in a clearer perception as if someone had uncluttered my vision of fog and darkness. I felt _alive _for the first time in a long time. Shapes and voices became more distinct and reachable but there was only one person I wanted to reach; only one person I could see.

A somewhat large part of me had still been rejecting the idea of her actually being alive. I thought it might have been one of those horrible dreams again or some disgusting, sick joke someone had thought up just to torment me.

I spotted Jonathon first, given that he was a couple of feet taller than Clary, and it wasn't surprising. His dark jet black hair shifted as he looked up at me. His expression was darker than usual, and as he locked eyes with me, he seemed to be telling me something I couldn't understand.

That was when I first spotted her.

It must have been my imagination but, it was as though the sea of students parted to let me see her. Everything from then on happened in slow motion.

She turned and I was exposed to part of her face.

My eyes clung on to her, never had I ever been so focused on someone else in my life. I could've been dangling from a shark pit and I wouldn't have been able to tell, I was too lost in her appearance.

There wasn't a single adjective that could describe her whole without leaving out a vital part of her image.

Her hair had grown longer, a lot longer. The curly scarlet strands outlined her face like a picture frame. The locks fell down her shoulders, tickling her back and elbows. Her hair was a striking red stop sign reflecting the sun.

Her face was dainty and exquisite as usual. Her figures were petite and elegant; she made me doubt that she could even pull an unattractive face. A thin lining of freckled dotted her nose and cheeks like someone had sprinkled fairy dust over her while she slept.

I couldn't read her expression; it was guarded and fine-tuned until no slice of emotion could be allowed through. Not from where I was standing, at least.

From where I stood, I could even see her piercing emerald green eyes that shone bright in the dusty hallway.

I stood frozen in place as though her gaze had turned me into stone. For a brief wild moment, I thought of her as Medusa, with slivering snakes writhing around her head instead of her vivid crimson hair.

I shook the image away as I saw a flash of movement as Isabelle hugged her. Realising I had lost an opportunity, I cursed silently under my breath and paced towards her.

Once I was close enough to her, I stopped mid-stride.

Something was wrong.

Majorly wrong.

I glanced over her appearance again and to my horror, small details began to appear I hadn't seen from the distance.

Her hair wasn't as amazingly vibrant as I had thought it to be. In some places, it had fallen limp and injured. Her face wasn't gracefully sculpted. It was sunk in around the eyes and cheeks. Her eyes, though they weren't locked on mine, were lifeless and darker than I ever remembered. Her entire body was skinny, far, _far _too skinny.

That was when I noticed them.

I don't know what I expected after seeing those images of the basement but, the sight of them made me feel light in the head and anchored to the ground at the same time.

My veins felt as though they had been filled with cement or ice or both.

Something cold and dreadful trickled down my back.

Lined on every centimetre of exposed skin; on every inch of freckled skin; everywhere… were scars.

Some were small and barely noticeable, little white lines or dots that danced on the edges of her body. Some were red and angry cause by burns and swollen skin. There was even a collection of different sized bruises; big, small, fading, intense, yellow, burgundy, violet, and blue. I physically winced at each of them.

Worst of all were the large ones, the giant ugly scars that ran down her arms and neck. One particularly gruesome one ran perfectly along with her collar bone as if someone had drawn it on like a nauseating art assignment.

There were parts of her skin which were unevenly coloured and unmarred. It took me less than a moment to realise that she had attempted to put makeup on to cover her scars. She had applied most of it to her face and I supressed the shudder, wondering what could be worse than this that she felt the need to cover it.

Both Isabelle and Alec had hugged her while I had stood motionless. I wanted her to be in _my _arms. I wanted to feel her; I wanted to know that she was actually there.

Unfortunately, Jonathon took that moment to step in front of her; cutting her off from my immediate eye line. I swear at that point I could have tackled him to get to Clary.

"Hey guys, back off. She's fragile." He protested, holding up his hands as if to physically ward us off. It dawned on me that he was right; a quick glance of her body was enough to tell me that. Why hadn't I been thinking more rationally? Why-

Clary's voice cut me off from my train of thought, "Don't," She put a hand on her brother's shoulder, pulling him back, "Ever call me fragile." I recoiled from her voice; it sounded as though someone had shoved a cheese grater down her throat and left it there. Like a slap to my face, it reminded me that she wasn't feeble; she had lived through two years of torment and suffering. Anyone who must have gone through anything remotely like that is resilient enough to withstand a couple of hugs.

Unable to help myself –with only the thought of touching her- my arms coiled around her within moments. It was only once that she was safely in my arms that I realised that she had flinched out of them.

Looking up at her in surprise, for a fleeting moment of horror I thought that I had hurt her. The sickening reality was worse…she had been _afraid_ of me.

I felt a roll of different emotions cross my face, ranging from hurt to anger with myself and whoever had done this. I didn't even have a chance to process her facial expression before she spoke.

"I'm sorry." She said. Her voice was painstakingly tiny as she focused on staring at the floor. I could hear the anguish behind her words and tried not to wince, "I didn't mean to- You just took me by surprise." She fumbled with her words as a blind man might search for his sight.

It wasn't hard to see how uncomfortable she felt, the dawning realisation that she shouldn't have come today, that she wasn't ready for this. But if she hadn't come today, I wouldn't have seen her and that would have been worse than _anything _I could imagine.

"Don't _ever_ apologise to me Clary," I said firmly, I meant it and hoped that she knew that, "You're existence has made me the happiest man alive, the fact that you're standing here overwhelms me with emotions I never thought I would ever feel. I don't care if you are broken or wounded, you. Are. Breathing. Never apologise to me." I poured every thought in my head into her, forcing her to look up at me with wide glassy eyes.

I didn't think either of us were aware of when she crossed the space between us and wound her arms around me but, I wasn't sure if I'd ever felt so ecstatic before in my life. I felt her face bury itself in my shoulder, her delicate fingers tremble as she flattened them against my back.

I forced myself to be careful with her; I didn't ever want to see that fear embedded across her features, _especially_ not because of me.

Somehow, I knew exactly where she ended and started, where it was safe to hold her urgently and where to be more gentle.

I hid my face in her hair and was overwhelmed with the soft scent of strawberries that lingered in her hair.

That hadn't changed.

Something _hadn't _changed.

My heart rocketed at the prospect; she _might _still be the same- in the ways that mattered anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

Unluckily for me, it turns out that no one else had maths. _Just another perk of having a shitty timetable_, I thought glumly as I trudged into class my head focused on the floor.

I made sure to get a seat right at the back; it would be harder for anyone to stare if they literally had to rotate around to get a look at me.

Unfortunately, that hardly seemed to stop them. As students filed into the depressingly bleak classroom they would each crane their necks in the silliest of angles to get a glance at me, shortly followed by not-so-silent whispers.

I barely managed to supress the eye roll and wished I'd worn something that covered more of my body. My flaming crimson head wasn't exactly a good camouflage either.

After what seemed like infinity, a stuttering, perspiring excuse of a teacher clamoured into the room, muttering something about his lateness.

Reluctantly, each student dragged themselves into a front facing position to look at the whiteboard. I imagined them each as elastic bands, pulled taunt with the effort of _not_ gawking at me.

I breathed a sigh of relief; it felt as though each pair of eyes weighed a ton on my shoulders.

I opened my bag and took out a flawlessly brand new set of ball-point pens and a clean blank notepad. Jonathon had grabbed these for me when he was getting me some clothing.

Fortunately the teacher forgot to take attendance-it would have given the students another excuse to gawp at me- and begun the dreary lesson.

I settled back into my chair, preparing myself for an hour of enduring _algebraic_ equations. I was completely taken aback when I felt a cool slender finger poke at my arm.

I jumped up suddenly causing my chair to screech loudly, which in turn caused all my classmates to whirl around expecting me to have a panic attack or something.

I felt my cheeks visibly redden and I waited until they had grudgingly turned back to glance up to see who had poked me.

I was met by an unusual pair of silver eyes that led to the body of a seventeen year-old boy. He was slung atop the chair casually as though he was as comfortable here as being in his own room alone.

He looked like one of those boys that usually had some sort of bad reputation that _all _the girls had crushes on. The type of boy I tried to stay away from. His hair was a halo of silvery strands that curled around his head and long lean muscles that loitered along his arms and body.

Overall, he looked…bored.

"Do you have a pen I can borrow?" he asked, his voice was low and deep.

I wondered if my shock was as clear on my face as it was in my mind.

Did he know who I _was_?

He must have heard, surely, someone would have told him or-

I broke off when I realised he was staring at me, a combination of amusement and annoyance played across his features. He…He had asked for something, my mind grasped at what he had said but, it came up empty.

"Err…?" I stammered, blushing furiously. I couldn't look away from his face as the corners of his lips turned up.

"Pen? Do you have one or not?" I wanted to slam my face into my desk, _of course _he had asked for a pen. How had I forgotten?

"Err, yeah. Here," I said, taking one out of my set clumsily and passing it to him. I was about to tell him he could keep it when he grabbed my wrist- too fast to give me a chance to wrench it back.

I quickly realised he was writing his number on my hand and a name underneath it. When he released me, my hand shot back to my side, my fingers were trembling stupidly so I clenched them into a fist.

"I could tell you were staring," His unfathomable voice explained, "You're welcome." He winked turning to the front, he didn't give me a chance to explain that I wasn't staring at him because of that reason.

Throughout the rest of the lesson, I desperately tried to keep my eyes anywhere but, him. But occasionally, I couldn't help peeping.

He _genuinely _seemed to be focused on the riddle of equations scrawled along the white board. He was about the only one who _did _seem to care. He kept scribbling notes into his notepad and had filled at least three whole pages by the end of the class.

It was only then that I realised that I hadn't once thought of _him _throughout the duration of the class. It was only an hour but, that small detail brought a large grin to my face I couldn't shake off.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok so people have been asking and I was meaning to explain but, the silver-haired boy IS NOT Jem. He's Sebastian AND I know that's not how he looks in the books but I kinda wanted to symbolise that he's not the same evil psychopath seen in the books as he is in this story. And also in the books Sebastian is seen to have a silver ring around his pupils which is where I got the colour from.**

**If you need more information or are confused just pm me :D **

"You don't mind staying after school, do you?" The perky little blonde art teacher asked me in a small voice, "You're just…a little behind and I think it would _really_ benefit your grade if you took some of your spare time to catch up." She smiled nervously, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Sure." I said and swallowed. I didn't really care about my grade, but I enjoyed art and it took my mind off…things.

"Great!" She grinned, playing with her fingers, "I'll just be right here." She smiled a couple more times and then disappeared into the tiny cupboard on the far edge of the room filled with art supplies.

I took a deep breath and focused back on my pencil. It took a couple of tries before my fingers managed to grip it properly without slipping off or jerking away in strange angles. I grimaced a little at the effort it took and released another frustrated sigh.

My work was a simple pencil sketch but, I had already had to throw out three attempts at it due to my shaking hand and too many eraser marks clouding the page.

Glancing down at my hand again, my eyes found the faded message written earlier for me during maths.

A number and the name _Sebastian. _

At lunch, Jonathon had given it a curious look, glancing at my face but, I gave nothing away and simply shook my head.

Lunch had been… tense. To be fair, almost everything today had been. The eyes that followed me were nerve-wracking and waiting for me to slip up. Still, I hadn't expected the crowd of inadequately dressed girls to waltz up to our table. Namely to lounge across Jace but, occasionally they would raise a perfectly polished eyebrow and ask me a curious question. I wouldn't answer, of course.

I shook my head and focused back on the drawing, it was nothing special. Just an assigned task I was given to illustrate a flower.

My hand suddenly jerked, sending a hard dark grey line through the centre of my drawing.

Growling, I dropped the pencil which sent it skidding off the table. It clattered loudly on the floor as I scrunched up my paper and threw it aside.

I rubbed my face and let my breath come out ruggedly.

I didn't bother tidying away; I grabbed my bag and left, deciding that I had done enough art for today.

The school campus was almost empty so there weren't too many people around to gape at me but, I couldn't decide whether I liked this better. The silence reminded me of… too much.

I hurried to get to the sports field where Jonathon was at his football practise, my nervousness frustrated me. I knew nothing would happen to me at school but, I still had to glance over my shoulder every few seconds. I had to check all the dark corridors and shadows. I had no choice.

Finally, I reached my destination and climbed up the bleachers occupying the sides of the field. I made sure I was fairly high up, it felt safer. I still couldn't go down basements since the incident and some part of me told me that I would never me comfortable in them again.

Jonathon spotted me and waved, I smiled and waved back. I focused on identifying each of the players. It was easy to spot Jace because of his hair and Alec was standing close to him. I recognised a few other players but, I couldn't figure out who was standing next Raphael. I felt my eyebrows furrow and I squinted. He looked familiar with dark brown wavy hair, a sort of geeky complexion that didn't quite look comfortable in a football field; affixed with a pair of glasses and a curious pair of eyes.

I shook my head and scanned the rest of the field.

No Sebastian.

I hadn't realised I had been searching for him and was about to question myself on it when practise ended.

I made my way back down where the team was grabbing some water and neatly folded towels to wipe their foreheads.

"Hey Clary!" I turned to Jonathon where he stood with the usual gang and a few others. I walked over to them and smiled.

"Clary! It's good to see you." Raphael smiled widely, showing his set of perfect teeth. I couldn't look away from him, his eyes showed an emotion I was unaccustomed of seeing directed at me.

Fear.

I'm pretty sure the shock was clear on my face, _why would he be afraid of me? I'm pathetic. One look at my clothing tag could tell him that._

I was so lost in thought I hadn't noticed the awkward silence that had gathered from me not speaking. I looked away from Raphael to see Jonathon looking at me, prompting me to speak.

I blinked, "Um, yeah…you too." I internally cursed at sound of my voice.

I couldn't look him in the eye as I was scared to see what emotions I might identify there. Instead I turned back to Jonathon.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" I tried to steer the conversation to a more comfortable topic with a smile.

"Sorry, you know Jace, Alec and Raphael, obviously. This is Jordon and Maia-"

"Hey." Maia interrupted, grinning brilliantly, her brown wavy hair bouncing over her shoulder, "I've heard loads about you and I'm sure we'll be great friends."

I nodded smiling, "I hope so. I'm glad there's a girl in the team."

"They wouldn't get anywhere without me." She joked, punching Jordan playfully.

I turned to the person I had spotted earlier, who hadn't said a word yet, but was smiling along with everyone else.

"And you are?" I asked with the ghost of a smile on my lips.

He looked at me; his eyes were a dark hazel colour.

"I'm Simon." He greeted, "Simon Lewis."


	10. Chapter 10

**I just want to take a second to thank all my reviewers because I literally spend minutes staring at each one- no matter the length of it- and grin. It really warms my heart and I love you all for reviewing. I will literally strive to answer any questions you have :D For those who want to know, there may well be some Malec ;) But you'll just have to wait to find out the rest mwahaha **

I felt my eyes widen, my throat closing up, my heart rate going the speed of light, "Lewis!?" I squeaked out, taking a step back as though he had slapped me; slapped me with a wrecking ball.

_It couldn't be._

_It can't be._

Supressed memories flew forward -without asking permission- causing a sharp stinging at the back of my eyes, my eyes watered and my breathing became erratic and disorderly. I couldn't rip my eyes from him.

"Yes? Are you ok? You look-" I didn't listen to what he had to say. There was no way I could listen; his words were causing a tornado in my mind. I couldn't _see _straight, I couldn't think straight.

Without a second of contemplation, I took off. I dropped my bag as my feet pounded the concrete, out of the school, down as many roads as I could engulf.

I had no idea I could even run that far without stopping; something inside me wouldn't let me.

Finally, once I was well and truly lost, I managed to control my body and stop.

I panted and sagged against a fence; my body was drenched in sweat, my face drenched in tears.

I hadn't even noticed I was crying.

I clawed at my face, desperate to rid myself of tears. It was no use, my chest heaved with sobs.

_How could I have forgotten? _

I hadn't, I realised. I had buried it deep inside, somewhere I couldn't remember it. I wish I could do it again.

A flash of memory flew forward before I could stop it.

"_I'm Mr Lewis, you can trust me. I'm here to help you." A hand held out to me, dark brown hair…_

I gasped, bolting back to reality, "Stop!" I said aloud, my voice was clear, for once, but still weak, "I don't want to remember."

I slid down the fence, holding my knees close to my chest and bury my face in them, "I don't want to remember." I repeated, rocking back and forth.

It felt like an hour had passed before I remembered where I was. I lifted my head from my knees, wiping my cheeks and I looked around.

I had no idea where I was.

I pushed myself from the fence, the street that I was on was almost deserted which explained why no one had passed by me during my… episode.

The houses were dilapidated and there were only about two dim lights seen through windows on the entire street.

I was in the bad side of town.

I began to panic, this wasn't good. I dropped my bag earlier; where I kept some pepper spray for safety. I cursed and touched my pockets. I could have cried at the relief I felt when I found my phone.

I pulled it out and immediately scrolled down to mum's number.

A split-second before I clicked call, I hesitated.

Calling her would mean explaining and explaining wasn't exactly my strong point in life. I took a deep breath and slowly continued to scroll; I didn't really have that many contacts.

Suddenly, my eyes caught the almost non-existent pen on my hand.

Sebastian.

Before I had even realised it, I had keyed in his number and was dialling.

I heard the phone ring and began to pace, my free hand playing with the edge of my shirt.

_What am I doing? I should be calling mum or Jonathon. I shouldn't be-_

"Hello?" His voice came through as low and profound as I remembered and I lost my track of thought.

"H-Hi!" I stammered and bit my lip, hard, to stop myself from cursing. I was doing this all wrong.

"Clary, right?" I heard the smirk through the phone, "I hadn't imagined that you'd call so early, a day hasn't even passed-"

"I need your help." I interrupted, "I'm lost and I…I need to get ho- somewhere." I corrected myself; I wasn't ready to face home.

"Where are you? Can you see anything distinct?" He said straight away, his tone serious. I was surprised; I had expected him to make some snarky comment about having no other friends. It struck me that I didn't know him at all.

I remembered what he was saying and looked around again. My eyes spotted a street name.

"I'm on… Pandemonium Street, do you know it?" I asked; it was the only distinct thing I could see.

"Yeah," He sounded grim, "Look, you stay right there, and I'll be there as soon as I can." He was about to hang up, but I stopped him.

"Wait! Sebastian?"

"Yeah?"

I paused, "Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

Sebastian got to me faster than I expected, especially since he was walking. But it was still dark when he arrived.

He took one look at me and raised an eyebrow. I could tell that my eyes were puffy and I probably looked a state but, I kept my poker face on and pretended that it was normal to be completely lost without anything on me a part from my phone and the clothes on my back.

"We going yet?" I tried to be nonchalant, shoving my thumbs into the back pockets of my jeans. The corners of his lips tilted upwards and he noddded, holding out his arm.

"Ma'am?" He offered and I looped a hand around his arm like I had seen a nineteenth century lady do in a silly film Jonathon had watched with me. He began to walk with me and I suddenly had a lot of questions.

"How did you get to me so quickly? You were _walking_-" I began to interrogate him and he chuckled.

"I'll answer your questions when you answer some of mine." I was about to argue that he hadn't asked me any when he interrupted me again, "_Which_, I have a feeling you're not going to even if I do ask." I scowled, was he a mind-reader?

"Alright," I said slowly, "At least tell me where we're going." I demanded, glancing around. It was all unfamiliar.

"It's a surprise." He grinned and I almost growled in frustration, and a little excitement.

"Maybe I want to go home?" I asked, an innocent tone playing along my vocal cords.

"Perhaps." He took a deep breath, "Alright, I'll tell you a little. We're going to one of my favourite places to be."

I smiled to myself, glad to get information out of him. I stayed silent and looked away, taking in the setting. Without noticing he had taken me out of the bad neighbourhood.

The houses were neater and more polished, little shops lined the streets-now all closed and dark inside. We were on the side of a river that ran through the city. Light sloshes of water could be heard and the air smelled of salt and grass. The river water was inky reflecting the dark sky and a large pale circle could be seen replicating the moon.

We were too close to the city central to see any stars, but the setting was undoubtedly beautiful.

"Where are we?" I asked as Sebastian led us onto a wide, long bridge with cars occasionally driving past, tires on smooth concrete.

"A nice part of town, I find it's too busy during the day. I come here a lot to…think." I looked up at him as he spoke. His face was tilted towards the sky as though he was having a conversation with the moon. His eyes also mirrored it, a little white circle next to his silver eyes.

"I like it here." I told him, looking away at the water. I broke away from his so I could put my hands on the rough surface of the bridge's thick fence. I leaned over a little to watch a twig make its way down the river. We were fairly high up and a cold wind pushed my curls back over my shoulder.

Without warning, Sebastian swung his legs over the fence as he sat on it.

"I don't think that's safe." I said slowly, watching as he sat in complete ease, watching the horizon.

"Is that going to stop you?" He asked, not looking at me, he already knew my answer.

"No." I answered anyway and he held his hand out to help me over and I managed to climb over it with a little grace.

The view was spectacular and there was something about the danger of the situation that sent thrills through my body. I must be some crazed psychopath, I thought, smiling a little.

A few minutes later, Sebastian turned to me.

"You ready?" He asked with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Ready?" I repeated, confused.

"Don't be afraid." He said quickly, he didn't give me a chance to question him before he pushed himself off the fence and dove straight into the water.

I bit my tongue to restrain the strangled scream.

My eyes searched frantically for him in the water, waiting for him to resurface. My pulse was rocketing.

Finally- after what seemed like forever- I spotted his head, grinning at me; a silver halo in the dark water encircling him.

It took a second to dawn on me; he wanted _me_ to jump too.

I felt my breathing accelerate, as I looked down at him. The space between us seemed to lengthen, until he was a small dot.

I had to jump too.

For a second, I let my head swim in the frenzied panic that it had clouded itself in before I gave myself a quick mental slap.

_Don't be afraid. _

Sebastian was fine, you would be too.

Anyhow, you had _definitely_ been through worse.

Somehow, I found myself standing on the fence. I took one glance at the moon and the horizon before I leapt.


	12. Chapter 12

For a second, I didn't see anything, I didn't think anything. All I could feel is the wind whistling around me, my hair lifting, my fingertips buzzing with something, excitement: Anticipation? My stomach flipped anxiously and I opened my eyes to see the horizon before I plummeted into the water.

I gasped at the icy cold feeling of it; it stung my sides as I completely submerged under water. Cold needles of panic and frostiness sunk in, forcing me back to reality. I lost control of my body as I squirmed around uselessly. _Which way was up again?_ I was losing oxygen fast, my legs kicking hopelessly. I couldn't see anything.

Suddenly, a warm arm grabbed my hand and pulled me up onto the surface. I didn't recoil from it, realising it was Sebastian. I gasped and spluttered, choking out water once I could breathe again.

"You're crazy." I managed to cough out, "You do realise that I'm not actually indestructible, right? Shit, this might permanently scar me. My lungs aren't right-"

He broke me off from my line of panic by laughing.

"What?" I wheezed.

"You're smiling." He stated, slowly pushing back a wet strand of hair that had been plastered to my face.

"I am?" I said dumb-founded. I realised that I was. Blinking, I forced myself to think reasonably. "You're still _mad. _That was utterly _mad." _ I argued, swimming back away from him a little.

"Don't tell me you didn't love it." He debated, still grinning.

"I could have died." I persisted. My legs were kicking rigorously to keep me above surface, I crossed my arms.

"And?" His voice playful; "You still loved it." His smirk was evident. He knew he was right and I was too stubborn to admit it.

"You're ridiculous." I finally said, letting out a grin and he grinned along with me before his face was engulfed by unnatural bright light.

I squinted at the bright light, holding up a hand to shield my eyes.

"Get out the water. Both of you!" Someone snapped. _Police! _It registered and I turned to Sebastian who seemed relaxed as if this had happened more than once.

We swam to the edge and walked out of the water. I began violently shivering as soon as my body touched the cold night air and clamped my fingers around my elbows. Sebastian cast me a concerned glance, my teeth were chattering loudly.

There were two men, dressed in official police uniform. One with a flashlight which was directed straight at my face, I flinched.

"Jumping off that bridge is illegal." Said one police officer harshly, I feel strangely calm considering the situation. Any normal person would be shitting themselves at this point, but I wasn't, "And so is _whatever_ you were about to do."

It took me a moment to process what he was trying to say, _me_ and Sebastian? I guess it could look that way, but…I glanced at Sebastian. He hadn't said anything about it, he looked bored.

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to process all my thoughts when the other officer's voice interrupted me again.

"We're going to have to arrest you and take you down to the police department." I could tell that this officer was nicer. He explained things to us as if were just small kids that didn't understand. He walked up to Sebastian while the other one strode up to me.

I saw the glint of the cuffs before Sebastian did. He was going to handcuff me. _Handcuffs. _

The man put out a hand to take my arm but, a strangled cry came out and I stumbled back a few steps.

He growled and came towards me with more force, hands gripping my arm tightly as he tried to lock me into the cuffs. Trap me.

I began to scream manically, thrashing to get out of his grip. I wasn't seeing him anymore; I was seeing someone much, _much _worse.

A part of me was screaming to run, another part of me _was_ screaming.

"What the fuck's wrong with her?" A voice came through but, I didn't stop writhing away as he continued to try and grip me.

"STOP!" I heard Sebastian's outraged voice slice through the horror movie playing out in my head, "Don't you fucking recognise her?! She's the girl off the news that was _HANDCUFFED _FOR TWO BLOODY YEARS!_" _He was struggling against the handcuffs that held his arms behind his back. His face was furious. The muscles on his neck were tense, he looked murderous.

Realisation played along the nice police officers features, "Bill, he's right. It's her." He stepped away from Sebastian and neared to me, holding his arms up as if trying to tame a wild animal, "It's alright sweetheart, we won't cuff you."

I didn't say anything; I just stood up straight and looked at the ground. Somehow this was worse, being treated like this. I would have much rather been Sebastian which was stupid because he was the one in more danger.

I swallowed looking up, I _so _badly wanted to say it was alright, they could hand-cuff me but, I couldn't.

"Look, we won't handcuff you, but you'll still have to come with us to the police station." He smiled, "Don't worry; I doubt you'll be in any trouble considering your…history." I looked away, biting my tongue hard.

We walked to the police car in silence, I tried to meet Sebastian's eye and apologise, but he wasn't looking my way.

Once we were finally in the car, I couldn't stand it any longer.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him, wringing my hands nervously. He looked uncomfortable with his hands chained behind his back, still drenched in river water like I was. I didn't know how to justify myself so said nothing else.

"Don't be." His voice was tense, dark, "I should be the one apologising. I got us into this mess." His jaw hardened, it was dark in the car; nothing, but the street lights outside illuminating his face. He took a deep breath and looked out the window. Conversation over.


End file.
